DISCIPLESHIP IN THE HOME - Introduction

INTRODUCTION 

     What makes a family a Christian family? Do you know? How can we tell one when we see it? Are there distinctive features that will help us pick out from a group of families those that are Christian? How about our own homes — how can we discern if they are really Christian homes?
     Outward appearances are certainly no guarantee of the presence of a Christian family, are they? Here is a home with scripture texts on the walls and a family Bible on the table. The members attend the meetings of the church each week. Perhaps their family car even has a “Jesus is Lord” bumper sticker on it. But, is He really Lord in this family? To answer this question, we must open the front door, step inside, and once inside the home, listen and observe. Do you hear selfish arguments, raised voices, and carnal conversation? Are there people planted in front of a television, preferring it instead of reading, studying, and meditating on God’s Word? Is there excitement over some passing sports event and disinterest or coldness about evangelism and discipleship? Do they prefer some “super bowl” or “world cup” instead of the Lord’s Supper and the communion of the sanctified? What kind of Christianity, what kind of discipleship is this?      Continue observing: do you sense a tension between husband and wife, parents and children, or among the children themselves? Do you see frowns, pointed fingers, or tear-stained cheeks? Do you hear sighs of frustration, or notice a strained silence? You will soon learn, if you haven’t before, that no particular outward appearances can make a family Christian. Bumper stickers, slogans, lapel buttons, and framed verses cannot make a family Christian, but they can deceive people into thinking that their family is Christian when in reality it isn’t. And let’s face it, the mere fact that a family has Christians in it or has religious activities does not ensure that it is a Christian family. There is more to it than that, isn’t there? The Lord Jesus said that we should not judge according to the appearance, but rather with righteous judgment (John 7:24). We must remember then, that outward appearances cannot earn in God’s sight the name “Christian” for any family.
     A Christian family is a family with Christians in it, to be sure, and what’s more, they are Christians who live daily life in a way that brings glory to God, even when no one else is watching. They do not need company in the home in order to behave as Christians. Theirs is not an outward show to give the proper impression to others, or avoid raised eyebrows, but rather a living reality. There are four words in the New Testament that are used interchangeably with reference to true Christians: They are: Christians, disciples, believers and brethren. That is what the members of a Christian home are to one another and to others who follow the Lord Jesus Christ. They are believers: they have been justified by faith, having believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. They are disciples: they continue in Christ’s Word (John 8:31), which means that among other things they live by the principles for family life that are found in God’s Word. They may never have been to a family conference, retreat, or enrichment session. They may never have attended a sociology class. In fact, it is even better this way, because this gives them the distinct advantage of not having their minds cluttered up with the popular “psychologized” presentations of family life. Although they have had none of these things, they are not ignorant, because the Christian family knows where to find the principles for family life — such principles are in the Holy Scriptures. In this family the Bible is lived out in the everyday grind of life. They have God’s Word, and it has them, too, for it has a grip on each life. Christ rules as Lord in the Christian family.
     The family is the oldest order there is on this planet, and has its beginnings with the very beginnings of the human race. It is undoubtedly the God-ordained, functional unit of the human race. God in His infinite wisdom gave order to His creation. He was not experimenting with things to be improved later on, but rather He was displaying His wisdom, power and love. He created a man, put him in Eden, and made a family around him there. The family began when God united Adam and Eve, but it existed long before in the mind of God as His plan for life on earth. God commanded them to “be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28; 2:21-25). In this He indicated that the family was to be His way of propagating the human race and populating the earth. Again God stated His favor toward the family by including family relationships in the Ten Commandments: “Honor thy father and thy mother” (Exodus 20:12) as well as elsewhere in the Law. 

     Moving on to the New Testament, we see how it repeatedly reaffirms God’s interest in the affairs of family life by such teachings as, “Children, obey your parents,” “Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath,” “Husbands, love your wives,” and “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” The fact that such principles are found in both the Old and New Testament indicates that God has not changed His design for the family. Contrary to voices in society around us, the family is not outdated, ineffective, or repressive. It is a masterpiece of God’s workmanship!
     But what about our homes? How can we define a Christian home in terms that are specific enough to tell us if we fit the description and to enable us to do something about it if we do not? Good question! To be honest, there is no verse in the Bible that specifically says, “A Christian family is defined in the following way: _____________________.” We must study the Scriptures and draw from the different passages throughout the Bible that treat the subject in order to form a working description of the Christian family. This is more time consuming, but it can be done, and is quite edifying. There are numerous passages that speak of the family. Here, then, is a description of some characteristics of the family taken from the Scriptures:
 

1. God comes first in everything, not just in daily devotions or Sunday meeting attendance (Matthew 6:33; Luke 14:26; Colossians 1:18).
 

2. The husband takes full, undivided and unshared responsibility before the Lord for the leadership of the family in a godly way (Genesis 3:16; 18:19; Colossians 3:18).
 

3. The husband lovingly assumes his responsibility as the one who provides for and protects the family, both physically and spiritually (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29; 1 Timothy 5:8).
 

4. The wife practices her profession of godliness by being willingly submissive to her husband, orienting her life to him, in their home. She is happy, content and fulfilled working in the home as a helper and colaborer with her husband (Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 31:10-31; 1 Corinthians 11:9; Titus 2:4-5).
 

5. The parents accept their God-given responsiblity to be diligent in training up their children at home in a godly and disciplined life. This is done by their own example first and also by lovingly investing the time and effort required to guide the children in both knowledge and practice, rather than regarding the children as an imposition, neglecting their spiritual care, or passing them off to other people (Exodus 2:9; Ephesians 6:4; 2 Timothy 1:5; 3:15).
 

6. Children give honor to their parents by responding positively when taught and by loving , respectful, prompt obedience. They manifest that they are being discipled to follow in the ways of the Lord and not in those of the world around them (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20).
 

7. The family works together in support of the local assembly, ministering to others for Christ’s sake and the gospel’s. The family is not viewed as a higher priority than the church, and it does not view service in the assembly as a threat to the family unity (1 Kings 17:10-13; 2 Kings 4:8-10; Mark 1:28-34; Luke 18:28-30; Acts 18:24-26).

I can nearly hear someone saying, “Oh! Are there really any families like that?”  Well, there are no perfect families. Of this the author is painfully aware, and yet in spite of any personal or family failings, the message should go out. And there are those that desire and strive to practice these principles. Others may ask, “Well, it all looks good on paper, but how do we get there?” It isn’t enough to know a good description of the Christian family. The idea is to show by God’s grace how to have a family like that, one that though imperfect, honors the Lord. Helping towards that goal is what this book is all about.