DISCIPLESHIP IN THE HOME - Chapter 1

DISCIPLESHIP IN THE HOME

CHAPTER ONE 

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother,
 and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters,
yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. 

Luke 14:26

He exclaimed, “A typical politician!  His stand on the issues depends upon where he is and who he is with. It’s like his lips are sewn together in the middle so that he can talk out of both sides of his mouth at the same time!” This expresses the frustration felt by many people over what is called “double-talk”. What a contrast, and what a blessing to be a Christian and belong to a God who never changes and never says anything insincerely. If we can only learn the mind of God on a subject, then we have a basis for behavior in that area for all time. Don’t worry, God will not change His mind! But upon reading the following portions of Scripture concerning the family, one could be excused for doubting!

  (1) "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them . . . " (Genesis 1:27-28).  "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18).  "And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man" (Genesis 2:22).  

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    (2) "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26).  "And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God’s sake, who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting" (Luke 18:29).  "But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none" (1 Corinthians 7:29).

  Could it really be that the same person is responsible for making all these statements? If someone were to say such things today he would immediately be accused of contradicting himself. But in this case God is the speaker, and we know he does not contradict Himself. Nonetheless, it is true that we are tempted to think one of those two groups of verses cannot possibly mean what it says. Many feel that the troublesome verses are found in the second group, you know, those “true discipleship” verses; surely the Lord did not intend those for families, at least not literally! Yet I am prepared to tell you that they both do mean exactly what they say. Yes, it must be so, because in the mind of God these two sets of Scriptures are completely compatible. He does not contradict Himself.

     In reality, the problem is with us. We have taken the opinion or accepted teaching that abounds today in “evangelical” circles, that Christian homes and a life of committed discipleship to the Lord Jesus are two mutually exclusive ideas. In many circles today we find that the idea of a life of committed and sacrificial service to Christ is considered a threat to a happy home. We have come to believe that true discipleship is an undesirable extreme, or unwise and unbalanced behavior. Years ago dear brother MacKay went so far as to author a pamphlet against discipleship, entitled, “The Dangers of Discipleship in the Last Days”. It would have been much wiser and certainly more scriptural to have written of the dangers of worldliness or materialism in the last days, as James 5:1-3 says:
    "Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you. Your riches are corrupted and your garments are moth-eathen. Your gold and silver are cankered; and the rust of them shall be a witness against you, and shall eat your flesh as it were fire. Ye have heaped treasure together for the last days."

 
    Or still more to the point, our dear brother could have written along the lines of the last of the letters of Christ to the seven churches in Asia, being the letter to the Laodiceans, in Revelation 3:14-17,

  "And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write: These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God. I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot. I would that thou wert cold or hot. So then, because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth. Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing, and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked."

   The “dangers of discipleship”, indeed! Some have been guilty of portraying selfless commitment to the Lord as something only for single people, missionaries, or some other similar group of people. And many in our circles have fallen for this line of reasoning that so appeals to the natural inertia and selfishness of the flesh. This way of thinking is especially tempting when we look around and find so few people embracing those teachings of the Lord as equally part of the “inspired, inerrant, and authoritative” Word of God which we profess to believe. Married people, it appears, are exempt. “I have taken a wife and cannot come.” Single people who have any hope of marriage had better steer clear of discipleship, if they know what is good for them, or go out for a couple of years in some short term service, get it out of their system, see the world a bit, and perhaps in the deal even find a marriage partner with whom to retire from such adventurous service and live a “normal life”, whatever that poor expression is taken to mean.

    Since late in the 20th Century the phenomena of “family ministries groups” (especially in North America) have made their nests in the church like the birds of the air in Matthew 13:32. They are sadly predictable in their treatment of true discipleship and uncompromising commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. Those who attend the various family “enrichment” groups or special seminars on what they call “parenting” (pop jargon), that are taught by family ministry “experts” in the churches will frequently hear stories about great leaders among God’s people who were failures at home. Here are a couple of the more typical examples of what they call “over-commitment.” Eli, we are told, spent too much time in the ministry and thus ruined his sons. We hear that Samuel, though a great prophet and judge, followed in Eli’s path by neglecting his own sons while away serving God. We are told about King David, who also was, according to these “experts” too involved in serving God to take care of his family or even to notice “sibling rivalry” (more pop jargon and pop psychology) among his children. On it goes, with other similar stories, all designed to portray the evils of sacrificial commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ and to seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
    Then the stories become more current. We hear about families who were almost ruined by “over-commitment” to the church. (They almost never mention that the majority of families that are ruined are ruined by the job, by both parents working outside the home due to failure to be content with food and covering, or due to carnal and un-Christ-like behavior in the home.) Sometimes it takes the form of a preacher who did a great job in the pulpit but whose family was a wreck. So just before his wife got to the point of divorcing him (which apparently didn’t disturb these permissive experts too much, but seemed to them to be a viable option!) he quit the ministry and saved the day.  “Ah! Another happy ending! Another poor suffering and terrorized family saved from the merciless jaws of service to Christ!” No more long hours ministering to others, no more feeding the flock of Christ because he loved Christ, no more sacrifice and self-denial, and thus the marriage was saved. Saved...but from what? Such “horror stories” are just enough to show us (they hope) that true discipleship only leads to “depression,” “stress” and “burn out” (more pop-psych jargon). The idea is to warn us that people who “over-zealously” decide to go all out for the Savior will be sorry one day. It may not be spelled out with quite that much clarity, but they get their point across clearly enough. The problem in each case, as they see it, lies with the church, the church leaders, the missionaries, and all the rest of those “true discipleship types.”  So you see, commitment and service to the Lord and His kingdom are the implied tyrants in each situation presented by these astute “experts.”  It is enough to scare any sensitive soul into withdrawing from all ministry commitments and staying home to have “quality time” with the family, playing games and watching television!

    Christians thus alerted to the dangers, and others who sense a genuine need for help in their family life and desiring to enrich their families, are quickly invited to join one of these groups that emphasizes the importance of the family, while the Lord Jesus’ demands of discipleship are quietly set aside. Warnings about getting over-involved in Christian service outside one’s home abound. “Beautiful Homes and Gardens and Well-dressed, Smiling Children” could well be their favorite publication, as long as by the word “children” you don’t understand more than two. Well-meaning but gullible saints come home from these classes suspicious of all commitments to the local assembly. This is no idle theory, but rather what has been observed first-hand. One home involved in such “family enrichment” meetings even went so far as to ban the use of the word “commitment” as if it were almost a curse word. Some of these dear people seem to have found a new meaning for the word “legalism” that would make the Lord, the Twelve, Paul and his disciples all guilty!  Surely this is not what the Lord intended when He in sovereign wisdom designed the family. No wonder these two groups of verses read at the outset seem to be such opposites.

    We need to stop and ask: Is this picture of the dangers of discipleship in the last days an accurate one? Is over-commitment to Christ and His kingdom really the chief problem facing the church today? Really? Are there too many, so very many disciples taking the Lord too seriously, too literally, and living too sacrificially? Do we observe that too much work for the Lord is being done? May these questions snap us out of the foolish daydream of “over-commitment” and bring us back to our senses; because this is certainly NOT the condition of things today. Instead, we find the words of the Lord Jesus:
    The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; pray ye, therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth laborers into his harvest (Luke 10:2).
    According to our Lord, the problem actually has to do with “under-commitment”, that is, that there is a shortage, a lack, a dire need — not so much of “Christians” in the sense of people who profess to believe in Christ, but of laborers, of those who are willing to serve Him sacrificially and seek His interests, His kingdom and His righteousness first. Don’t be deceived, there is no surplus of committed spiritual laborers, but rather a dearth of them. True disciples – they are one of the true precious commodities on this earth! This has been and will continue to be the need of the hour in a world whose population has exploded past the five billion mark, most of whom are unsaved and headed toward a lost eternity. In such a situation is it needful for Christians to sit at home, play games, watch television, and leave only to get more higher education, make more money, go shopping and take interesting vacations? Is this what Christ would do? Dear friend, if you say “yes” you are only betraying your woeful ignorance of the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ who came to seek and to save that which was lost.

     But, alas, in the wake of such an explosion of humanity and in the shadow of the Lord’s coming, an anemic, self-centered church is sending out a minuscule proportion of its people to minister in the Lord’s name. If ever there was a time when true disciples were needed, it is today. If ever there was a time when committed men and women were needed to come forth and serve sacrificially for the sake of the gospel, it is now. Christian families should be in this fight for God’s glory, too. The Christian home is the very place where discipleship ought to be practiced. God’s labor force for reaching the world should come from these homes. Those who attach themselves to Christians with legitimate concerns about home life, only to warn them, alarm them, or teach them in any way that results in their drawing back from the Lord’s great service are guilty of turning needed warriors back from the fight at a critical time in history. Let those who thus say, “To your tents, O Israel!” beware the judgment seat of Christ where He will reckon with those who deny His Lordship, His blood-bought right to the sacrificial use of all His people’s lives in whatever way He deems best.
    What shall we say, then? As Christians, we ought to affirm God’s desire for strong, biblical marriages and families, and for dedicated, sacrificial disciples. Discipleship should be alive and well in the home, in our homes. The Christian family ought to be a place where the principles of discipleship, as taught by the Lord himself, are known and practiced. This includes every area of Christian life, not just selling possessions or going to the mission field. We are not free to pick and choose as the Lord’s disciples, for each one of us who is a true, born-again believer in Him, redeemed by His blood, lives under the great commission that He gave, “. . . teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you.”  “All things” means there are no so-called “secondary” or "non-essential" doctrines. With regard to the conflict with “family enrichment” (actually “family impoverishment”) ministries, this means that to elevate the family in a way that negates service in the Lord’s Church or reaching out to the lost is flatly wrong. It is at best like the Colorado river when it finally reaches Mexico. What was used to turn dynamos for powerful electric plants, to give irrigation to farms and drinking water to cities has been reduced to a relatively insignificant force. This is happening in our homes, dear friends, and the church is in need of revival today because it has turned inward. The New Testament never presents life this way, with “1-2-3” priority lists that end up putting the study of God’s Word, evangelism and discipleship last. We must think through this issue carefully and Scripturally, and not allow ourselves to be misled by such teaching, however well-presented it may be.
    To put God first means to give Him first place in our affections. The first and greatest commandment is still, “Thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all the soul, and with all thy might” (Deuteronomy 6:5). Our Lord reemphasized this priority when He walked the earth. Notice carefully that He did not delete the word “all” nor modify its meaning (Matthew 22:37). If He had wanted to reduce the commitment or explain it in a more palatable way, here was a golden opportunity! On another occasion He spoke to a mixed multitude of would-be followers. He began to thin them out by clearly stating His terms of discipleship:

  "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26).
    Once again the message is clear and powerful, without any apology or weakening explanation. It is an unavoidable statement that “no consideration of family or friends, though lawful in themselves, must be allowed to turn them aside from utter and complete abandonment to Him” (William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary, New Testament, p. 223). Some would object that Mr. MacDonald was not married. Neither was the apostle Paul!  Commenting on the primary purpose of Jesus’ life, Donald Norbie, a married servant of the Lord, wrote the following:
 

  Jesus was a family man. Although History is silent on the details, Joseph may have been much older than Mary.  Just when he died we do not know. But at the time of Jesus’ ministry he was apparently dead. Earlier Jesus had taken responsibility as the eldest son, and the family leaned hard upon Him. Mary and His brothers and sisters knew the strength of His love and affection. The family of Jesus is pictured as closely knit. Part of Jesus’ sorrow was the agony of seeing His mother suffer as He was nailed to the cross. But the family was not first in Christ’s thinking. “He that loves father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37). He emphasized the fact that spiritual relationships are more deep and lasting than family ties (Mark 3:33-35). The center of Christ’s life was not the family... One motivation was the delight of doing the Father’s will...Another motivation was His own deep compassion for those that were lost... But you say, “I’m not Jesus. I have a family to raise, a job to work at every day. I need recreation. I don’t have time.” And so the days and years pass and it’s easy to drift. We give up tract distribution and witnessing. We have forgotten how to weep over the lost and to cry to God for them. Our lifestyle and direction is little different from the lost world around us.  (Donald Norbie, “Evangelism, An Option?” article printed in Missions Magazine, 1981) 

    The love that the first and greatest commandment speaks of forms the basis of supreme loyalty. It unites our hearts to the heart of God in all that is important and all that is precious to Him. If the Lord has first place in our affections, then everything else will find its proper place, and we will find that our affections are set on things above (Col. 3:1), on spiritual, eternal things, and not on things on this earth which are not worthy of our love (1 Jn. 2:15-17).
    To put God first means to give Him first place in terms of personal fellowship and daily communion with Him. The “one thing” that David desired in Psalm 27:4-5 was God Himself – fellowship with the living God. He wanted God more than he wanted God’s blessings. He went beyond dreaming of it to active pursuit of God: “...That will I seek after.” This is the priority that Jesus approved of in Luke 10:42 when Mary sat at His feet. It is included in the meaning of His instructions, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). The relationship we need most of all to be developing is our relationship with God. This will mean putting aside other pursuits, even legitimate ones, at times. To seek Him is to invest time in getting to know Him through reading His word, meditating on it (Psa. 1:2), and praying. We are not talking about “seven minutes with God” to start the day, but quality time with Him of a much greater length than that. If the average Christian invested as much time in God’s Word and prayer as he now spends in watching television, or eating, what a difference there would be in the depth and quality and power of his or her spiritual life. Then we could truly enjoy fellowship with the Lord by also engaging in work for His interests here on earth. His interests certainly include the family, however they are not centered there and cannot be limited to it. God is interested in our families, but not as an end in themselves.
    But there is still more! To put God first also means to give Him first place in our actions. We are to invest the resources He gives us – time, money, energy, and spiritual gifts – in acts of loving service for the Lord. The idea of a disciple in word but not in deed never met with the Lord’s approval, family or not. To put it another way, devotion does not stop with devotions. God’s kingdom should be the priority when we come out of our time of personal devotions, not just during that time. This means that we should choose to use time and other resources for eternal rather than temporary pursuits. It may be opening up our homes to others to minister to them when it is not the most convenient for us. It may mean our absence from home for the Lord’s sake. This is necessary sometimes in ministry, and we shouldn't think it strange. People who leave their homes all the time to go work, and work all kinds of strange schedules and extra hours to make money or advance some political or social cause, are often the same ones who object to leaving home to go out and serve the Lord. Such poor priorities are deplorable at minimum, and downright unjust in many cases!  Let’s set the record straight from the Scriptures. The Lord, the Master of all His disciples, has spoken on this matter! In Mark 10:28-31 the Lord Jesus made it clear that He approved of the disciples’ priorities of ministry over family. If these disciples were wrong, unbalanced, misguided, or in danger of setting a bad example for the rest of us by their zeal, the Lord had the opportunity to rebuke them and set their priorities right. But, on the contrary, He actually promised them reward and reinforced their giving Him first place in acts of service outside the home. This ought to give those of us who are His twentieth century followers food for thought and the impetus for change.
    Clearly, unless there is repentance and return to the biblical plan for true discipleship, yes, even in families, the decline of the Church in our times as lamented by A. W. Tozer will continue, aided and abetted by “family enrichment” ministries that are replete with the best that pop psychology can offer. They seem bent on maintaining people entertained and “happy” without having them become dedicated disciples and devoted servants of the Lord. They disguise this lukewarmness and compromise behind such words as "balance", but Tozer said:

   "Christ calls men to carry a cross; we call them to have fun in His name. He calls them to forsake the world; we assure them that if they but accept Jesus, the world is their oyster. He calls them to suffer; we call them to enjoy all the bourgeois comforts modern civilization affords. He calls them to self-abnegation and death; we call them to spread themselves like green bay trees or perchance even to become stars in a pitiful fifth-rate religious zodiac. He calls them to holiness; we call them to a cheap and tawdry happiness that would have been rejected with scorn by the least of the Stoic philosophers." (A. W. Tozer, BORN AFTER MIDNIGHT, Christian Publications, Inc., p. 141).

   "Our Lord called men to follow Him but He never made the way look easy. Indeed one gets the distinct impression that He made it appear extremely hard. Sometimes he said things to disciples or prospective disciples that we today discreetly avoid repeating when we are trying to win men to Him. What present-day evangelist would have the courage to tell an inquirer, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it”? And do not we do some tall explaining when someone asks us what Jesus meant when He said, “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother in law”? That kind of rugged, sinewy Christianity is left for an occasional missionary or for some believer behind one of the various curtains of the world. The masses of professed Christians simply do not have the moral muscle to enable them to take a path so downright and final as this.
    The contemporary moral climate does not favor a faith as tough and fibrous as that taught by our Lord and His apostles. The delicate, brittle saints being produced in our religious hothouses today are hardly to be compared with the committed, expendable believers who once gave their witness among men. And the fault lies with our leaders. They are too timid to tell the people all the truth. They are now asking men to give to God that which costs them nothing.
    Our churches these days are filled (or one-quarter filled) with a soft breed of Christian that must be fed on a diet of harmless fun to keep them interested. About theology they know little. Scarcely any of them have read even one of the great Christian classics, but most of them are familiar with religious fiction and spine-tingling films. No wonder their moral and spiritual constitution is so frail. Such can only be called weak adherents of a faith they never really understood."  (A. W. Tozer, THAT INCREDIBLE CHRISTIAN, Christian Publications, Inc., pp. 75-76)

Far from the calls for enrichment of self, singles, and family, the New Testament teaches self-sacrifice from beginning to end. Walter Chantry, in his book THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS: points out how there must be self-denial in Christian marriage:

    "In choosing a spouse, self-denial should be a characteristic sought after. Who are better suited to wedlock than men and women who have already died to self? Already they live to serve and please Another rather than selfish desires. Even now they deny legitimate self-interests to wait upon One to whom solemn vows have been made." (Walter J. Chantry, THE SHADOW OF THE CROSS, The Banner Of Truth Trust, p. 55)

  

  In 1 Corinthians 7:29 the apostle Paul spoke of those who have wives being as those who have none “from now on” (NASB). It is one of those “unbalanced” statements of scripture. There is no “equalizing” verse nearby. Instead, the Spirit lets this verse stand in silence on the page, where it abruptly challenges our thinking. The truth underscored by this is that while God designed and still approves of marriage for His disciples, He also approves, and specially recommends in these last days, our subordinating even such a legitimate relationship to a greater need. What is that greater need, that higher priority? It is working hard for the Lord; proclaiming the gospel, winning souls, teaching the Word, making disciples, building the church with Him, training laborers for His service (Eph. 4:11-12), and praying the Lord of the harvest to send them forth into His harvest. The nearness of His coming looms over all this. The "day star" (2 Pet.1:19), that is, Christ the Morning Star, is soon to rise! Dear believer, do you understand what that means? Christ coming as the Morning Star is a reference to the rapture: His coming to take His bride to heaven to be with Him. 

During my first year in Spain, in order to better learn the language, I accompanied a Spanish brother often as he sold wool in the markets. Almost weekly we traveled eastward to Barcelona to restock on wool. In the pre-dawn darkness, as we drove along speaking of the things of the Lord and praying together, we watched for the dawn. There before us, as if suspended low over the highway, was the morning star, Venus, that bright last star to rise on the horizon, just before daybreak. Daily it rises, glittering in glory, heralding the coming of the sun. As we rumbled eastward over the Spanish highway, slowly the brighter hues began to paint the horizon. The darkness faded and the coming sun's rays stabbed deeper and deeper into our dawn. Finally the sun broke the horizon in glory and the morning star was no longer visible in the bright daylight. 

      So it will be with the rapture, the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ as the Morning Star. One day soon He will come for us, when the long night of His absence here is almost done, just before the day of His coming in glory to reign, He will come for us! Oh, believe it!  "For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry" (Heb. 10:37). Behold, He cometh! "The night is far spent, the day is at hand"  (Rom. 13:12). Soon He will appear on the horizon, in the air, and call us up to be with Him where He is (Jn. 14:3). He has promised:  "I will come again, and receive you unto myself that where I am, there ye may be also."  Soon the shout, the trumpet, "and so shall we ever be with the Lord."  Dear brother and sister in Christ, let us live for Him, make life count for Him while there is still opportunity. The Apostle Paul says: “This I say, brethren, the time is short.” If it was short then, how much shorter is it now? What a practical impact this should have on our lives if we really believe it! May the Lord find each of our homes to be a disciple’s home when He comes. “Blessed is that servant whom his lord, when he cometh, shall find so doing” (Luke 12:43).

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"Your Turn"

1.      Read Mark 3:33-35 and Matthew 22:30. How did the Lord Jesus emphasize that spiritual relationships are deeper and more abiding than family ties?





2.     Paraphrase 1 Corinthians 7:29 (write in your own words). What reason does this verse give for subordinating even the legitimate marriage relationship?





3.    In Ephesians 5:25 what is the object of Christ’s love and sacrifice? According to Matthew 6:33 what should receive priority in our use of time and energy? To whom was the Lord Jesus’ statement of Luke 14:26 addressed? Is it possible to be His disciple and “focus on the family” in a way that keeps us from His church or service in His kingdom with other disciples?





4.    Read Matthew 10:34-37 and Mark 12:30. How does your daily life, outside of attendance at meetings of the church, demonstrate that the Lord is your first love? List some practical examples of this.





5.    How would you answer the statement: “Putting God first means having personal devotional time with Him at the beginning of each day?” Which scriptures would you refer to?